Finding Myself (Life Update) & A reflection on 2017

I cannot believe the lack of posts this year (a total of 1!) but if you read that post, you may see why. 2017 has been a hard year for me; as well as dealing with the loss of my dad, I also broke up with my boyfriend of almost 4 years. Through all of this darkness, I am retaining hope for the new year as I feel like I am really discovering who I am as a person (I know this sounds so wishy washy but it is true!!)

When people say 'What is your passion in life?', I always feel like I don't know how to respond. I always feel like I don't know what my passion is. However, each time I am some place new, I really embrace my surroundings and appreciate the smallest things, even in places most people would find boring. I always feel a deep urge to document my trip through photographs and to tell those around me about my experiences. I think I get this inspiration from travel vloggers such as Funforlouis (I am loving his world flight series at the moment). There, it becomes clear to me what my true passion is. I would love to be able to document my travels and travel for a living, but I know how competitive that market is and as an accountant, it isn't really feasible. So, for now, I will write this blog as a side project to my job and travel as and when I can.

Here is a round up of my 2017 (all photos taken on iPhone so not the greatest quality; will be sure to get my professional camera out in 2018!):

Earlier in the year, I visited the south coast of England. I had a great time and thought these little beach huts were real authentic!

A day out to Cambridge: it was way more beautiful than I expected.

Despite living in London, its sights never cease to amaze me. I constantly find myself taking pictures of the monumental sights it has to offer.

Working on clients near the sights is always good fun.

Walking to work with a  view of Canary Wharf was always a beauty (until I move house)

Walking home over London Bridge with a  great view of the River Thames and Tower Bridge.

Winter Wonderland is a must during the winter period.

BANKSY's work appeared at the Barbican, super close to my workplace.



The year also consisted of good food. This is Tart in Clapham and they do amazing tarts/quiches. This is the smoked salmon and pea one.

Just after my break up, I got away to Cyprus with my mum and my sister. It was a much needed relaxing break. Nothing makes me happier than the sunshine.

I visited the archaeological park in Paphos which are ancient ruins that form a major part of greek and roman history. Its sites and monuments date from prehistoric times through the Middle Ages.

A holiday wouldn't be a holiday without a bikini snap and a dip in the pool.

Beach times are the best

Who doesn't love a good dip in the pool

There are not many views that get better than the sunset over the ocean.

At the end of October, I visited Edinburgh for work. I honestly did not realise how beautiful this city was, so taking pictures in my free time was a must!!

The view from my hotel room window

Me in the Harry Potter Shop - Search Museum Context UK... Near the Grassmarket.

The castle at nighttime looks like something out of a movie

A rare thing for me... a selfie

November time is my birthday. I went for a lovely night out in London and finished up in the Sky bar. I recommend the sky garden as the 360 degree views of London are epic (and it is free to go up there for those of you on a budget!)

Me at the sky bar (The Shard in the background)

On Christmas Eve, me and my sister went to York which is really near my hometown. I have hardly been to this town despite living so close, which is strange as it is such a tourist hotspot!

Me by York Minster

The bustling streets of York

YORKSHIRE PUDDING WRAP (Not a very professional photo to put on the blog but as you can imagine, I am very excited by this as a Yorkshire girl) 

I obviously did many other things in 2017 but these were some of the moments I managed to document. This year I aim to document more and I hope to see you in the new year for lots of fun, laughter and travels!

Lots of love

Alice

xxx

Losing my dad.

I haven't written on this blog in a while. My life has been crazy. I started a new job in September in London, moved to Hertfordshire and lived with my boyfriends parents and I bought a flat in London that I move in to this week. But most of all, I lost my dad. It was the worst experience of my life and it affects me every single day. I wanted to write this post because if anyone can relate to this or if it helps anyone in any way - my experience 8 months later - then that is great. I started to write this post when it was so raw so I will leave this in and end with how I am feeling now.

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The 16th of November 2016, the worst day of my life.

It is hard to write this post but I thought I'd write this as a sort of therapy and if it helps just one person going through the same thing, then that is wonderful.

I never thought this would happen to me, well not this young anyway. Losing a parent is something no one can truly understand until it happens to them. Not seeing the person you have grown up with since your very first day on this planet, is frustrating, confusing and upsetting. 

My situation was slightly different in the respect that my dad stopped living at home the day I came back from uni so I spent 3 months at home over Summer without seeing him everyday like I'd always known when at home. Then I moved to London and started a new job. We spoke on the phone around once a week and I planned to see him on the 27th December when I was to come home after christmas. Of course, this never happened. Not being able to say goodbye to someone is the worst...not knowing that the day I move down here was the last time I was going to see him. I'm just glad it was a pleasant goodbye before I left. 

I did however see him in hospital, before and on the day he passed away. I got to say goodbye then but he was not conscious so it wasn't a 2 way conversation. I'm unsure of the level of detail I should put on here but the thing that actually killed him was a hospital contracted infection. Now, this makes me angry. When he went in hospital, I was worried because I knew that there was a good chance that when someone goes in to the ICU (Intensive care unit), it is unlikely people make it out, particularly because of hospital infections. I don't even know how this can be allowed but anyway...

Being there when someone passes away is a traumatising thing, seeing their breath fight and their face go a sort of purple colour, knowing that they just took their last breath and there is definitely no way you will speak to them again in this life.... Argh I still can't get over that. 

If anyone else has been through something similar, please let me know. Knowing others that have lost their loved ones so young can really help. I have had a lot of support which has been great but truly, its hard to take when you know they still have their parents and can't actually comprehend how I feel.

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Now:

I have learnt to live again and no longer feel bad for laughing, joking and having fun. Working in the buzz of London has really helped me and meeting new people at work has really really helped me see the excitement in life. I always thought I would need counselling for this but now I am not so sure that I will need it. I think about my dad every day and wish with every breath that he could be here. I miss him so much. I am devastated he will not be here to see me grow up, see me succeed in my career, be at my wedding and be a grandparent if and when I have children.

But what it has taught me is that life is a gift and it is precious. We need to live life to the full and enjoy every second. Step out of your comfort zone, move to a new place and experience new things. Live, laugh, love and cherish those close to you.

Lots of love

Alice

xxx